Or Why I love Sucking Cock, CWS Essay Question #1
Thank you to my fabulous blogger friends who encouraged me to become a card-carrying member of Spanky’s Cock Worshipping Subs club. It was a big step for me. As you may recall, I don’t feel particularly worthy.
I don’t swallow.
I don’t know! I just can’t! Okay, I’m gonna work on it.
So I’ve been pondering my reluctance to join the club, and how I would respond to the assigned essay question of Why I Love Sucking Cock. And I do. I absolutely do. But…
I am a born submissive, which for me means that I have always been tremendously afraid of male authority. Like shaking in my boots afraid. I remember there was a male first grade teacher who taught the classroom next door to mine. One time on a field trip I got in trouble for yelling on the bus. He told me to see him after school. I literally cried all day I was so scared. I thought for sure he was going to spank me. As it turned out, when I showed up all he said was, “No yelling on the bus” and let me go. I couldn’t believe I escaped unscathed!
This irrational fear continued into my adult life. Even as recently as five years ago when I got called into a male bosses’ office for a dressing down (undeserved, I’ll have you know) I went weak in the knees, palms sweaty, heart hammering. It was only by some miracle I found my voice and was able to diffuse the situation and come out unscathed.
So it might seem like as someone so submissive, I’d be a natural cock-sucker? Not so. Because truly, sucking cock is power. Pleasing my man, taking him into my mouth, into a vulnerable position (teeth!) is taking charge. It’s the power to affect instead of just be affected. I’m not an empty vessel, waiting to be filled, I’m in an active, pleasure-giving work-mode. I’m using my hands and my tongue and my lips. I’m paying attention to his reactions and changing my tactics accordingly. And the joy is in the response. The power is in the response.
Blowjobs are not used to manipulate in my household. I guess I’m just not wired that way. But I’m always deliciously scandalized to hear how my friends have wielded the power of the blowjob to achieve their ends. One friend of mine procured us a stage manager for our show that way. (“I asked him like this,” she said and dropped to her knees, miming the action). Another, a mother of two small children, will beg a girls’ night out with the promise that she’ll blow her husband when she gets home. A third clever friend offered her husband 30 nights of blowjobs (including the option to bank them, if desired) if he could finish their home addition in time. (Alas, it didn’t happen). I say, power to ’em.
Because power it is.
And that, my friends, is why I was a little late to bloom as a cock-worshipper. Taking power in a relationship with a man doesn’t usually happen for me. I still have to fight passivity in the bedroom.
But I am absolutely up to the challenge. I am fully inspired by my fellow blogland subs. My milkshake will bring all the boys (well, just one boy) to the yard. Nah nah nah nah nah. Warm it up.