I was thinking some more about one my answers in the last batch of submission questions. About how I feel more empowered out of the bedroom now that I’ve submitted in the bedroom and I’d always worried that the opposite would be true – that my spanking desires only reinforced my sub tendencies in life and were damaging to me.
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Joey remarked that many of his friends who are subs have found themselves more empowered outside of play.
This morning I took my little guy with me to run some errands. The first errand was in a big office building with elevators. My son was really into the elevators, but then he had to pee. As it turned out, the bathrooms were locked. A man overheard me and came over to rescue us with a key and a friendly smile. Later at Target, I had a blond moment and thought I’d locked the keys in the car, but another nice man who stopped to help pointed out that they were in my back pocket. 🙂 As I drove off, I thought about how these two simple interactions made me happy. And I realized that in the past, I would’ve been ever so slightly uncomfortable by the helpful chivalry.
I’ve always been a bit skittish around men. My belief in the past was that it could be related to my spanking kink. Men were scary because they could dominate and spank. And even though that got me wet, it was terrifying. And therefore, I should try to NOT masturbate while thinking about spanking because it made me too submissive and afraid of men.
I get a fair amount of attention from men. If I’m in a particularly frisky or sassy mood, I might go for it and return a flirtatious remark, but usually in the past I would blush and just wish they wouldn’t talk to me. I think that’s why my husband nudged me toward threesomes with women – I am just so much more comfortable with women than men.
But what I realized this morning was that I didn’t feel that way anymore. As I happily climbed in my minivan and remembered the two interactions, my thought was, “I like men”. And that was a completely new thought for me. It is a totally different kind of empowerment from that defensive feminist stance I used to try to armor myself with. This wasn’t armor, for one thing. This was honestly feeling comfortable with myself as a woman, knowing that I’m attractive and especially when I have a small child in tow, inspire men to chivalrous acts. (I know, opening a bathroom and pointing out my keys are in my pocket are not huge acts of chivalry, but it was the energy behind them– work with me, people). I did not feel threatened or frightened by interacting with the men in the slightest. It felt like a right, natural interaction and it brought me joy.